You know how it’s going to go down. Worrisome news reports. Strange fevers sweeping the country, and then one by one people begin to drop dead, only to rise moments later to shamble and hunt down the living, rotting faces full of snapping teeth and sunken eyes. Before you know it law and order have broken down, people are on the run, and you’re barricaded in your house, trying to survive the night. What sort of shape do you want to be in when this all takes place? Couch potato or whiplash mean and ripped? Yeah, I think we both know the answer to that one, but in that case, which is the best workout to prepare you for the zombie apocalypse? For my money, it’s P90X.
Why? Let’s look at the challenges the zombie apocalypse might throw your way. You’ll be trying to survive in an urban environment (it’s where the food is, after all, and the most easily defended shelter), which means navigating the ruins of a city filled with slow moving, ravenous zombies. Toward that end you’ll need all-round fitness. You’ll need the ability to break out into sprints, to force your way into locked buildings, to fight off zombies when cornered, to leap up to safety, to carry heavy loads around with you, and enough stamina and strength to survive when others begin to drop.
How does P90X prepare you for this? Let’s look at the obvious. It’s the only Beachbody workout that features a full on martial arts workout in the form of Kenpo X. While this workout won’t prepare you for any real fighting, it teaches your the basics of throwing punches and kicks. More importantly it helps you with blocks, and finally it gets you used to the idea of fighting on some basic level. When the going gets nasty, you’re more likely to throw a punch with a yell then just freeze up.
But the zombie apocalypse isn’t about fighting zombies–that way lies death since their numbers are endless. Instead you want to be able to navigate the urban jungle, climbing to second floor balconies, forcing down doors, running up stairs and sprinting down alleys. The other P90X workouts give you that all round fitness. The back exercises feature endless pull-ups, and that will help over and over again when escaping the walking dead. Plyometrics will give you that explosive power, that ability to rocket suddenly out of harm’s way. The resistance training workouts will allow you to develop general strength so that you can shove zombies away from you and force your way into safety.
What of the other Beachbody workouts? INSANITY is a prime candidate, but its lack of resistance training means that while you’ll stay fit and lean, you’ll lack the strength development that P90X gives you that allows you to dominate your environment. Turbo Fire falls into the same camp. Brazil Butt Lift is a fantastic cardio workout, but focuses more on rhythm and toning than survival oriented skills, so unless you run into some Thriller zombies, that’s out too. Rev Abs is general fitness with a supreme focus on your core, which while integral to any healthy, beautiful body once again falls short of a survival oriented workout. Power 90 is an excellent candidate, having the same versatility and general approach as P90X, but it’s lack of intensity compared to its extreme brother means it loses out.
What do you guys think? What’s the best workout for the zombie apocalypse?
[Image from ‘What Are Your Chances of Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse Quiz‘]